Divine Calm: I'm not cashing in my poker chips, but I am thanking my stars

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10.27.2005

I'm not cashing in my poker chips, but I am thanking my stars

Computer/card games are controlling my life. I have spent many hours playing AOL games, especially poker and slot machines. On Sunday night, I played real betting poker with friends for the first time in my life. I went out second, but I can't berate myself too badly since I had a couple of glorious hands including an "all-in" win. Unfortunately, I got some really crappy cards at the end and made one mistake that knocked me out of the game. Due to the urging from my sister, I also am in an Euchre tournament on Tuesday nights. My sister and I are awesome euchre players, if I say so myself, and we won two games and lost one due to horrible cards. Granted, all of this card playing is making me feel old, but at least I'm not joining any bridge or canasta groups.

On the law school admission front, I am silently freaking out. I need to write an admissions essay and have been rolling around possible essay introductions in my head. Unfortunately, I am a procrastinator when writing essays and haven't found the inspiration to begin the writing process. I need to be more motivated, but, secretly, I am also scared to death about law school rejection. Fear immobilizes me. Perhaps I should pat myself on my back for actually starting the process by taking the LSAT, but my ego took a little bruising when I didn't do as well as I had hoped on the October LSAT. As the stress rises, I know I will begin to work on the admission applications like a madwoman. Until then, computer and card games will continue to control my life.

I did receive some great news last night from a dear firefighter friend of mine. He became engaged to his girlfriend last Friday. Congratulations you two wonderful people!!!

I also had the best dinner conversation last night with an old college friend. Our friendship has been having some growing pains, but I was sooo thrilled when both of us couldn't stop talking. I treasure our friendship, and the dinner was a perfect way to end the evening.

Despite all of this good news, I'm still amazed by life's extreme highs and lows. Happiness is rarely pure and always seems tinged with sadness. For example, I am completely in love with my boyfriend and am so thankful I have found him. It's uncanny how everything I have ever wanted in a man popped up before me at the local Latino Festival. If you are familiar with the cute movie Practical Magic, I feel just like Sandra Bullock's character when she, as a child, sent out a magic spell asking for her future love to have two different colored eyes and the uncanny ability to make perfect pancakes. Just like my own boyfriend did, Sandra's dream man arrives at her door one day.

The sad part is that my boyfriend is most likely moving in three weeks to go to Chicago for a new job. I am truly happy for him, because he deserves a better career opportunity. However, I am so scared that this change will negatively impact our relationship. Rationally, I know we will be okay, but emotionally, I am a wreck.

Despite all of these highs and lows, I am so thankful to be alive and have such wonderful people in my life. Relationships are life's gold to me.