Divine Calm: Crying isn't good enough

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Crying isn't good enough

I want to cry.

Today's tutoring session began well with my first kindergartener, Tiffany, finally "getting it" while reading to me. I continuously gave her high fives, because she hardly made any mistakes while writing and reading words like "reading" and "g-r-e-e-n."

Tiffany even exclaimed, "I'm getting smart!" and didn't want to leave at the end of the session. I'm so proud of the work she has accomplished.

After Tiffany, I tutored Kyra. Kyra began the session with reading a little book about dressing to me. Her favorite part of the book involved the white underpants covered in bright red stars. At this point, I was certain I would remember this day as being one of my best tutoring experiences. However, when I encouraged Kyra to write the sentence, "He is reading," she became morose and started writing "I mommy wuntoo see."

I couldn't decipher Kyra's writing, so I asked her to read her sentence to me.

"I want to see my mommy," Kyra sullenly replied.

After hearing Kyra's sentence, I remembered that Kyra had been recently placed in foster care.

The rest of the tutoring session sputtered on with the unfocused Kyra frantically scribbling letters backwards on the dry erase board. While it's normal for kindergarteners to write backwards, Kyra rarely does this.

Like Tiffany, Kyra didn't want to leave the tutoring session. But instead of the excitement of learning new things causing her to remain seated, Kyra's hesitancy to leave had more to do with yearning for one-on-one attention.

I want to cry.

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